Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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