if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize