You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
