ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize