I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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