Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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