she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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