My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
