How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
