fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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