Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
