Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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