In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
