Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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