I'm so fucking centered right now
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
