i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
40s are totally the cure
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
