does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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