I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
