please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize