I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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