my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
