I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
