1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
