I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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