is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
