ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
