my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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