Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
