hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
