I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize