Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
