She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize