U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
