You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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