I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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