I think scott just propositioned me for sex
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
