Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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