If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
