You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
