You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm going to jail i love you
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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