Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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