i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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