So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
