Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
