its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
