she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
