So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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