I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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