So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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