Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize