yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
