May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
