I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
