That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You smell like stripper and shame
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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