Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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