Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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