Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I would fuck him just for his dog
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
