i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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