Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
