Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
