I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
