dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
