If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
