u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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