I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
