just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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