rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
