I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
