Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
