hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
