So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
