and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
