Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
