i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
