don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
