need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
