I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
