remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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